The late Stephen Covey described it
beautifully: “Contrary to what most people believe, trust is not
some soft, illusive quality that you either have or you don't;
rather, trust is a pragmatic, tangible, actionable asset that you can
create.”
We tend to label the skills of
leadership, communication and relationships as 'soft skills', but
those human skills are the most fundamental in our lives, both
personal and professional. And without them, it is hard to build up
our 'hard' or technical skills, as none of us (can) work completely
on our own, we all cooperate with others at various levels.
Trust is based on our values and
beliefs, but is shown in our actions and behaviours. In other words,
even if you belief to be trustworthy that does not guarantee that
people see it the same way if that trust is not reflected in your
actions.
Trust as the building block of
relationships
Humans are social
creatures and we are not meant to live in isolation. Our
relationships with other people define much of the quality of
our lives. Their is the saying by Jim
Rohn that “you are the reflection (or average) of the five
people you surround yourself the most with”.
There cannot be a
relationship without at least some form of communication.
Whether you talk directly to that other person, whether you email,
write, message, no matter how intimate the level of the conversation,
a relationship requires there to be communication.
True communication
is not possible without vulnerability. I know of no greater
expert on the topic of vulnerability than Brene
Brown. The word 'vulnerability' probably sends shivers down
certain people's spine just be the mere mention of it. However, it is
such a crucial concept.
"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage." -- Brene Brown
People typically are not motivated to open up and be vulnerable to someone if there is
no trust. And trust has to be build: day by day, in ever
encounter, in the smallest of interactions, we show – trough our
actions – that we are trustworthy.
It all starts with
being honest to ourselves, to know ourselves. Daniel Goleman, the
father of Emotional Intelligence, made it abundantly clear that
self-awareness is the fundamental skill of emotional intelligence.
Socrates's injunction "Know Thyself" speaks to the keystone of emotional intelligence: awareness of one's own feelings as they occur." -- Daniel Goleman
You show trust by
putting the needs of others central to your interactions, by applying
active listening in your conversations, by seeing the other as being
an amazing person, doing the very best with the resources (s)he has
at their disposal.
So in summary, as
you can see in the schematic below: Trust is the base of
Vulnerability, which is essential for true and open communication,
which is the critical component of Relationships. Furthermore, Trust
and Relationships also reinforce each other, the stronger the trust,
the stronger the relationship and vice versa.
Trust in the workplace
Intuitively most
people will accept that trust is vital in their personal
relationships. But it's equally important in the workplace. We work
with other people, in teams and as part of the larger structure of an
organisation. Even if you are self-employed, you are bound to have
many professional relationships.
When we are looking at business, as
Simon
Sinek puts it very clearly, we need an infinite mindset in order
to play the infinite game of business. Short-term thinking will not
make for a sustainable company. And one of the essential building
blocks of an infinite mindset in a company is Trusting Teams.
Most companies
today are purely focusing on performance (past and present) as
measure of somebody's worth. However, when it comes to working with
someone, instinctively most of us will agree that having somebody who
is trustworthy will make for a much better team mate than somebody
who simply has a high performance.
This is where
coaching comes in. See the different quadrants in the diagram below:
- someone with high performance and high trust is a valuable asset to any team.
- someone with low performance but high trust will be will regarded in the team and can be coached to improve performance.
- someone with high performance but low trust, can be coaching to improve his or her emotional intelligence.
- someone who is low in both performance and trust can be coached on both fronts. So this is no reason to immediately get rid of someone, we need to believe in the potential of people and help them where necessary.
I am making it my
life's mission to work with companies and individuals in order to
bring trust and honest communication to our workplaces, so that it
will better our quality of life. Through workshops I plant the seeds
of awareness on how we can make the workplace a safe place to grow
and be at our natural best.
Trust for leaders
I recently came
across an interesting article
published by the WEF, about presenteeism
and burn-out in companies. Presenteeism is a work culture in which
people feel they need to be physically present in the office for
extended hours to proof that they are efficient (even when they are
ill).
Burn-outs are the
result of continuous stress. We humans have a great survival
mechanism where hormones like cortisol allow us get ready for fight
or flight (by increasing the blood flow towards arms and legs). It
also reduced the efficiency of vital systems like immune system and
the natural repair cycle of the body. That is because the body
considers getting out of the current situation more vital. This works
perfectly but is not meant to be sustained for a long period of time.
Today, due to lots
of deadlines, presenting, and generally the lack of feeling safe in
our workplace, a lot of people are under continuous stress. This has
a tremendous negative effect on our mental and physical health.
This is where
leaders come in. They can shape the culture in the company or at
least in their team. It all starts with setting the example (e.g.
taking care of one's self) and by helping to create a culture of
trust in the team. Where it is possible to ask for help, to make
mistakes and to stay home when you are sick or there is an emergency.
Presenteeism in my
opinion is a clear example of a lack of trust, if people are trusted
to work when and where is most efficient for them, we would not feel
the need to be physically at the office the whole time.
Trust is fragile
It takes time to
build up trust, just like leadership in general, it is a commitment,
a daily task.
And it is easy to
undo trust. Granted, depending on how strong the trust in the
relationship is, it will take a more severe betrayal to destroy
trust.
When the trust in
a relationship has been broken, it will take a lot of dedication and
mostly honesty to rebuild it. Honesty is vulnerable and requires you
to take full responsibility of any mistakes you have made.
Lastly, in case
you feel that this is a lot of work, it definitely is, it's a
continuous commitment, but the good news is, this is something
everybody can learn.
This is part of a series of articles designed to get more out of life.
Bookmark my blog in order to not miss out : https://yourlifeceo.blogspot.com/
You can also follow my articles on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/peter-vandaele/
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